the origin of love

i am done with this blog.

it represents a time in my life that has ended. heres to a more mature way of looking at the world and myself.

I will continue to take a look at ppls journals..but for me..im out.

my bf is a talented fuckin kid. i am honored.

summer gets better as it ends

( + )

i must go to halifax

i must go to halifax

i must go to halifax

i must go to halifax


My job is driving me nuts. I miss seeing Dan all the time. I miss my friends. I need to get the fuck out of here. I wish I could have been in Europe for the whole effing summer.

I feel like this is an unhappy summer. its whizzing by, but not fast enough. Im not enjoying myself and I'm craving the moments in halifax. the randomn nights out, the movie sessions, the making pancakes and value villaging with my lovely boyfriend who i barely ever see now. ive spent the past 2 weeks looking for a job im not excited about and wishing i could just cook wonderful dishes for my friends and family and lovers all day. not in a wannabe housewife kind of way but in the i-want-to-create-something-wonderful-that-brings warmth-to others kind of way. Ive fallen too deep in love that i cant think rationally anymore and things are blurry and confusing and stressful and im paranoid and anxious. ive come to depend on my love, to lean back on it to support me, and when it doesnt i kind of just fall and beg for someone else to pick me up. i really have forgotten how to get myself up. i need to remember.

North America has become a culture of fusion. Sometimes I think fusion is bullshit. how about getting back to simple, traditional passionate, pure culture and music?

Just a thought.

i feel incredibly lonely. i dont like it.

ok...so my brother is here..im madly looking for a job and I have no idea what the f is going on with me for the next month and a bit. I miss the idealism of being in europe- how I just forgot there was a world of mundane stresses waiting for me. Toronto doesn't feel the same and its wierd that I havent seen any of my friends here yet.

Im hoping I can make the next month great (good job or bad job) and reconnect with people I had lost some touch with. Maybe Ill squeeze in a road trip to ottawa to see one of my best friends or up to haliburton to visit camp. Maybe I'll take a cooking class. Or maybe I'll just sit outside the last temptation with old friends and laugh about where it all went.

i miss the sounds, the sights, the smells, the air, the heartbeats

Goodbye Canada, Hello Israel and Europe.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH EVERYTHINGS GONNA FALL APART AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH



shhhhh shhhh michelle, everything will be fine. Just listen to some Joni Mitchell and everything will be fine.


I'm so goddamn nervous its ridiculous. I keep discovering holes in our plans and its freaking me out!!!!

So i leave for europe in 5 days. I can't believe its that soon. Birthright then Greece, then Italy, then Paris and London.

I'm so frickin excited, but I'm kind of nervous that I won't be in shape for the "extreme outdoor" bright trip or that I'm gonna get robbed in Europe or something horrible like that.

When it comes down to it though, I'm just feeling super super excited.

Dan wrote me a plane letter but i couldn't not read it. Apparently I have absolutely no self control! But it was pretty much the most beautiful wonderful thing ever. I'm gonna travel with it close and anytime I'm maybe feeling confused or stressed I can read it and feel this tremendous sense of peace and love.

ive pretty much spent every day since ive gotten home either roaming around downtown toronto or reading my philip roth book on buses. I spend money only on pins that say "oy gevolt" and subway tickets and sometimes pretty polka dotted wrap dresses.

Its wonderful to be home. At the same time i'm almost not ready at all for travelling. I have no idea wtf im doing or who im travellign with or if i even am travelling. That uncertainty is very scary.

I don't really know if i miss halifax but i definitely miss the ocean and his eyes.

ok its official. i really fuckin miss him.

holy crap its over.








I think i might cry a little but I dont know.
I'm looking around at an empty room and I feel it so horribly in the pit of my stomach.
Here's to an amazing last nite of drinking and reggae and beautiful friends.